I needed this one today. I also grew up with a parent with too many functional similarities to the current chieftain, and all of this is how I also survived. It's a good and necessary reminder, thank you.
I was today years old, raised in the South, before I ever saw kudzu blossoms. The idea that kudzu blossoms feels revolutionary to me. Thank you for all the new beauty you reveal.
They smell like grape Jolly Ranchers. Which is a strange and also cool thing for them to do. Thanks, S. I like knowing that this made your world a little richer.
I too recognize and relate to your descriptions of a childhood spent being flushed down someone else’s crazy. Thank you for sharing the truths that saw you through. I was blind to them in the long ago. I see now their immense power.
It's easy to not see these, I think, because they seem deceptively basic and they masquerade as Mere Mundane Requirements. Not so. Or maybe exactly so, only the "mundane" part is irrelevant because the "requirement" bit is so very relevant.
I never could get past condemning myself for cooperating in the systematic deconstruction of my own truth — or integrity, not to put too fine a point on it. Unlike you, I did not have the wit or strength of character to see that there were other coping methods beyond turning the knife against myself before anyone else could.
I’ve moved to another perspective finally, even if I tend to fall off from time to time. But I offer this testimony in case somebody else out there needs to know that they were not the only one.
I certainly didn't see it as a child or younger adult either. Bear in mind that I'm writing this as a whole entire-ass adult person in her 50s who has had a LOT of therapy and done a LOT of heavy lifting to rearrange her own mental furniture. I did not emerge from the womb able to get this kind of perspective or leverage, not by a long shot.
Many of us have a lot of guilt about the ways in which we collaborated in the harm that was done to us, even though we were literally taught from infancy to collaborate by the simple vicious expedience of needing to survive and being dependent on our abusers. That's literally part of the abuse and part of the reason that it IS abusive. As are the ways that abusive people capitalize on their victims' willingness to hurt and weaken themselves.
You didn't create your own abuse. None of us do. We do what we can to get through it and often that's not pretty at all.
If you chewed off your own damn leg to get out of the trap I sure the hell am not going to be the one to tell you that you did it wrong and you simply should've magically avoided the unavoidable omnipresent trap in which you were forced to live in the first place.
I'm so sorry you've had to endure that abuse and all the bullshit that comes with untangling oneself from it. I was raised by a malignant narcissist father (that actually gives him a little too much credit) and a covert spiritual narcissist mother. Your every word resonates deeply within me.
I see you and send you love. And your reflections are totally spot on.
Thank you, Stephen. Solidarity, my friend.
Stephen, Sylvia Seven left a message for you on Facebook Messenger. That’s my FB alter ego. Give a holler when you can 🙏
I needed this one today. I also grew up with a parent with too many functional similarities to the current chieftain, and all of this is how I also survived. It's a good and necessary reminder, thank you.
I'm sorry you're in this weird unpleasant boat too, Meghan, but glad that the piece gave you some ballast.
I was today years old, raised in the South, before I ever saw kudzu blossoms. The idea that kudzu blossoms feels revolutionary to me. Thank you for all the new beauty you reveal.
They smell like grape Jolly Ranchers. Which is a strange and also cool thing for them to do. Thanks, S. I like knowing that this made your world a little richer.
Yes. Consider this my best attempt at an online solemn nod. Thank you for this.
You're very welcome, Becca. Thank you for reading and commenting.
This is deeply grounded and super helpful. Thank you.
You're welcome, and thank you for the comment, Amanda. I appreciate you taking the time.
I too recognize and relate to your descriptions of a childhood spent being flushed down someone else’s crazy. Thank you for sharing the truths that saw you through. I was blind to them in the long ago. I see now their immense power.
It's easy to not see these, I think, because they seem deceptively basic and they masquerade as Mere Mundane Requirements. Not so. Or maybe exactly so, only the "mundane" part is irrelevant because the "requirement" bit is so very relevant.
You are being very kind in saying that.
I never could get past condemning myself for cooperating in the systematic deconstruction of my own truth — or integrity, not to put too fine a point on it. Unlike you, I did not have the wit or strength of character to see that there were other coping methods beyond turning the knife against myself before anyone else could.
I’ve moved to another perspective finally, even if I tend to fall off from time to time. But I offer this testimony in case somebody else out there needs to know that they were not the only one.
I certainly didn't see it as a child or younger adult either. Bear in mind that I'm writing this as a whole entire-ass adult person in her 50s who has had a LOT of therapy and done a LOT of heavy lifting to rearrange her own mental furniture. I did not emerge from the womb able to get this kind of perspective or leverage, not by a long shot.
Many of us have a lot of guilt about the ways in which we collaborated in the harm that was done to us, even though we were literally taught from infancy to collaborate by the simple vicious expedience of needing to survive and being dependent on our abusers. That's literally part of the abuse and part of the reason that it IS abusive. As are the ways that abusive people capitalize on their victims' willingness to hurt and weaken themselves.
You didn't create your own abuse. None of us do. We do what we can to get through it and often that's not pretty at all.
If you chewed off your own damn leg to get out of the trap I sure the hell am not going to be the one to tell you that you did it wrong and you simply should've magically avoided the unavoidable omnipresent trap in which you were forced to live in the first place.
Oh, thank you, darling dear. Your words are balm of Gilead to yt. ♥️
I'm so sorry you've had to endure that abuse and all the bullshit that comes with untangling oneself from it. I was raised by a malignant narcissist father (that actually gives him a little too much credit) and a covert spiritual narcissist mother. Your every word resonates deeply within me.
Ugh, thank you for this but I'm sorry to hear you are among the confraternity of humans raised by harmful people.